Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
