Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
