last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
