He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
