Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
