Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
