genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
