I think I just saw someone hide a body.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize