I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
