Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
