but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
