she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
