well I can't set my house on fire every night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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