I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize