I can tuck mytits in my pants
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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