Screwed.edu
i think i have two assholes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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