I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
