not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There r osticjed everywhere
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
