I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it's like iHOP with fire
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
