is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
