My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
