WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
