Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
