She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
