im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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