Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
