hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
