This is not my ceiling
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
