Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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