My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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