She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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