Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
