bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
