trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
