I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
