My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
