never play flip cup with pint glasses
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
