I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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