it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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