I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
