I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
