The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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