I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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