Porn is love you can see.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
