Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
