I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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