Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
