My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize