I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize