You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
