Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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