I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
