I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
