He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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