Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize