i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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