playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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