Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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