No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize