I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize