I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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