Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i came on her dog
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
