i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
