I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
