Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
