Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think weed is turning my hair brown
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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