So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
